Godforsaken Idiot
by storyweaver24
Summary: Jily Modern-Day Hogwarts AU, written for Jily AU Week! In which James grows-but only slightly-over the course of three years.


**A/n: Hello! For the first day of Jily AU Week, I chose to do a modern-day au. It's my headcanon that after the internet rose to the prominence it is at today, the Wizarding World saw the benefit-and, to an extent, superior 'magic'-in the internet. They then incorporated smartphones and iPods into normal, magical items, much like radios before them. :) Thank you to the brilliant Nai for betaing!**

**Disclaimer: all rights belong to JKR. **

* * *

_And the worst part is,  
Before it gets any better, we're headed for a cliff  
And in the freefall I will realize  
I'm better off when I hit the bottom_

_-Turn it Off (Paramore)_

* * *

_Fifth Year_

James slid onto the bench at breakfast with an expression that was either horror or tiredness, the Marauders couldn't tell which.

'Rough night?' Peter asked sympathetically as he slathered marmalade on a piece of toast.

'Ayyyy lmao,' replied James, earning him a look of reproach from Remus and amusement from the other two.

'Can you believe it? Laura and Jason broke it off this weekend because, apparently, his shoes continuously didn't match his shirt,' said Peter around a mouthful of bread.

'You know you're a gossip, don't you?' Remus responded but nobody was listening.

'You didn't even say the best part!' Sirius excitedly said. 'He Charmed her hair bright green because of it and no one could get it back. She hasn't left her rooms since, the vain thing.'

'Ayyyy lmao!'

Remus rolled his eyes and returned to the paper.

'Mr Bloke,' their new and slightly forgetful Potions teacher said later during class, 'Could you please tell me how long a Strengthening Potion needs to sit before the second phase is ready to begin brewing?'

Sirius cocked his head to one side in a very canine motion. 'Were you talking to me?'

'Naturally, Mr Blake. Who else would I be referring to? The answer, please.'

'Four days. '

'Very good. Five points to Gryffindor,' the teacher said. Sirius leaned back in his chair and smirked. 'Mr Porter, how many sips of a Strengthening Potion can one take before it becomes unhealthy?'

'Ayyyy lmao.'

The class was silent for one brief moment as the teacher tried to process this information. 'Thank you for that wonderful and intelligent contribution,' he answered finally. Sirius gave James a high five but James didn't have his heart in it. He was glaring at Evans, who was shaking with silent laughter.

And so it continued throughout the day. It was only until the Marauders were confronted by Professor McGonagall in the hallway at the end of the day did they think anything was amiss.

'It has come to my attention,' she began brusquely, 'that you four have been disrespectful in class today, saying nonsense slang instead of proper answers—'

'Ayyyy lmao. ' James offered and McGonagall frowned.

'Precisely, Mr Potter. I know your teachers would appreciate your cooperation when they are trying to teach and they ask that you not use that phrase—'

'Ayyyy lmao.'

'Yes, Mr Potter, we've already established that is what we are referring to,' she said crisply. James looked down in shame. 'If I hear it again, you shall serve a detention this Saturday night. Understood?'

'Yes, Professor.' Remus, Peter and Sirius said in chorus. She looked at James expectantly.

'Mr Potter?'

He silently shook his head, clapping a hand over his mouth. She frowned at him and he reluctantly parted his fingers.

'Ayyyy lmao,' he whispered and closed his mouth again with a horrified look.

'Detention,' was all McGonagall said and she strode away in disappointment. Remus stared at James with a frown on his face.

'What's your favourite class?' He demanded. James sighed helplessly.

'Ayyyy lmao.'

'What's your name?'

'Ayyyy lmao.'

'What's your favourite Quidditch team?'

'Ayyyy lmao.'

'Aha!' Remus cried, scaring the other three nearly out of their shoes. 'It's a curse, isn't it? Someone hexed you to only be able to say 'Ayyyy lmao'!'

James nodded furiously and Sirius rubbed his face.

'And we only noticed this now…why?'

'Because he's honestly not been all that much different. ' Peter offered, tilting his head. 'I mean, he's a little quieter and a little ruder, but not that differe—ouch! What was that for?' He pouted and rubbed his arm where James had punched him.

'Who was it? Wait, you can't answer that,' corrected Remus, adjusting his robes as he mused. 'Snape?' James shook his head. 'Mm, too mundane for him. Brown?' Shake. 'Roberts?' Shake. 'O'Brian?' Shake. 'Evans?'

Bingo. They ran to the dormitory, robes streaming behind them, in search of the mischievous redhead. She was chatting with a friend in front of the Common Room fire.

'Evans! Give James his voice back!' Sirius demanded, nearly shaking her in his haste. A wry smile twisted her mouth.

'Think the idiot's learned his lesson?' She asked.

'Whatever it is, I promise you, yes!'

'Since you seem so adamant, Black, fine.' She waved her wand at James, who clutched his throat.

'Thank you,' he croaked, but the effect was lessened slightly by the deadly glare he was giving. She grinned, shrugged and turned back to her friend, effectively dismissing them. The Marauders commandeered chairs in the corner and lounged like the royalty they thought themselves to be. Eventually, Sirius challenged Peter to a rematch of a previous chess game. They were soon lost to the world of competition, bickering with their pieces and with each other.

'You know,' Remus whispered, leaning over so only James could hear, 'if you explain the situation to McGonagall, I'm sure she would get you off detention.'

James sat for a moment, watching Lily interestedly. 'Nah,' he said. Remus followed his gaze and smiled to himself. 'That was some pretty fast wandwork; wouldn't want her to get in trouble for being excellent. And I deserved it for calling Snivellus what I did.'

It was the first time Remus had heard James say he was sorry for insulting Snape.

_Sixth Year_

'Parkour!' Sirius screamed as he ran full-tilt towards a wall. Any casual passer-by would be at least a little concerned to see a sixteen-year old boy in an apparent collision course, but this was Hogwarts and Sirius was anything but ordinary.

He jumped up off the ground, connected with the wall and, somehow, managed to grab a chandelier. He swung there happily for a moment, before dropping to the floor.

Unfortunately, there was a someone between the ground and Sirius—a first year. The little boy collapsed under the sudden weight and stayed down, the breath knocked out of him.

'Got it!' James said triumphantly, hauling both of them up. 'That was fantastic, Padfoot! And sorry about that, wee firstie.' The first year groaned and threw a glare at the rambunctious sixth years. He rubbed his shoulder and stumbled away.

Sirius grinned, dusting himself off. 'Well, if I do say so myself… that was a gloriously shining moment.'

'Black!' A voice filled with frustration shouted. Sirius and James let out identical sighs.

'Gloriously shining moment over,' muttered Sirius as they turned. A furious Lily glared at them, arms crossed and foot tapping out an angry rhythm. James instantly straightened and turned on the infamous Potter charm.

'What in the name of Merlin's pants was that?' She demanded, flinging her hand up to point at the ceiling.

'Um, parkour?' Sirius offered like it was obvious.

'That was nothing short of an attack, Black, so your comrade can wipe that idiotic grimace off his equally idiotic face. '

'Oi!' James protested, to nobody's surprise. 'I'm not idiotic. And this smile is supposed to be _winning.'_

'It looks like you're about to murder me, possibly with a spork.'

'Evans, don't make up weapons. It just shows your incompetence,' James told her, completely serious.

'Yeah,' Sirius echoed, 'and maybe leave the crime fighting to those of us who know our way around deadly objects.'

'You're evading the question now. What was that attack?'

James and Sirius glanced at each other and subtly, James tucked his iPod into his pocket. Lily rolled her eyes.

'I see that, don't even try to hide it!' She said, mentally cursing the person who had introduced the Marauders to iPods.

'Parkour?' Sirius repeated again, a hopeful expression on his face.

'We wanted to record it,' added James eagerly.

'That doesn't answer why you _intentionally _knocked Thomas down,' said Lily, her foot still tapping away.

'Evans,' James said with eyes wide and innocent, 'we did it for the Vine.'

'For heaven's sake!' Lily fumed, throwing her hands into the air. 'That is the most idiotic response I've ever heard. And I was here for the great Pig Latin curse of third year!'

'The public love us, we've got over three thousand followers.' Sirius shouted back. 'We can't disappoint the people like that!'

'See? We had to do it for the Vine. Otherwise our reputation would go up in shambles!'

Lily stared at them for a moment, disbelieving and a little bit in twisted awe. 'You two are the most dramatic idiots I've ever met,' she said finally, shaking her head. Finally, she walked away and James could've sworn he saw a faint smile on her lips.

_Seventh Year_

As he excited the locker rooms, freshly showered after Quidditch practice, James noticed a lone figure sitting in the bleachers. He recognized that flash of red anywhere and hastily changed his course towards her.

Lily was on the edge of a bench, her elbows resting on her knees and her face in her hands. She didn't turn when he sat down beside her, but just continued to gaze into the distance.

'Is it true that you and Roselyn are dating?' She asked after a moment, her tone carefree enough to seem dangerous.

'One date. We went on one date.'

'She thinks you're dating.' He said nothing to this; he knew it was true but he didn't want to confront it. 'It's funny isn't it,' she continued.

'Not particularly.'

'Oh, I'm not talking about your situation—though that is hilarious,' she smiled and examined the ends of her hair, wrapping strands around her fingers. 'It's funny how you can think you hold someone so tightly and they just…slip away.'

'Lily? Are you alright?' He wondered and she glanced over at him for the first time. Her eyes were dead.

'I'm perfectly fine.'

'No, you're not. Don't lie to me, Evans,' said James hotly, gently taking her chin so she would look at him. She kept her eyes down, only flickering up a second, before pushing his hand away.

'I'd like to think I am, but I'm not. I'm anything but fine.' Lily took in a deep breath and let it out in a rush. 'My grandmaman just died. I got this letter from my mother.' She threw a piece of paper at James, who deftly caught it. The handwriting was smudged from tears and too many hands brushing over the letters.

'I'm sorry,' he told her as he gently refolded the letter. She turned her steely eyes back to the Quidditch pitch. He could see the tears that threatened to fall in her trembling hands, her hunched shoulders, the bend of her head, but she refused to cry.

'We kind of expected it, really. She was old but still… I can't imagine a world without her gone.'

A shiver went down her spine. He touched her arm and, surprised at the coldness, dropped his robe over her.

'Thank you,' she whispered thickly, scooting up closer to him. He curled his arm around her shoulders, wishing he could protect her from all the hurt in the world. He knew it was wishful—Lily wasn't his_ to_ protect—but oh, how he longed to.

His cellphone vibrated against his trouser leg and he sighed. What awful timing, but he pulled it out to check the message.

_hi bby. XXX miss u!_

Roselyn. He sighed again and, almost in response, another message came in.

_hogsmeade strday, right?_

He put the phone away with a sickening feeling and his eyes snapped to Lily's. She tilted her head, her lower lip pushing out a tiny bit. She was so close, _so _close, and his hand twitched towards her cheek. Oh, Merlin, she was _right there_ like he had dreamed about so many times before. If he just bent down a little bit, his lips would be on hers and he would have done something he had wanted to do since _third year. _

'Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?' He blurted out, wincing even as he said the words. She stiffened, her tranquil mask twisting into a familiar expression of anger.

'Are you kidding me?' She cried, the question bursting through her mouth. She jumped away and stood up, raging over him. 'You're an arsehole, James Potter! That is so inappropriate on so many levels. My grandmother just died! I was counting my lucky stars, thinking we could be _friends_ this year because you hadn't asked me out once!'

'Lily—'

'I literally just watched you get a text from your girlfriend and you turn right around to ask me out on the same day!'

'Lily!' He repeated desperately, needing her to know what she obviously didn't understand, that the question had just dropped off his tongue. He hadn't meant it, he didn't want to ask her out that way.

'I cannot believe you, Potter,' she spat, the words caustic. 'I thought you had changed, but you're still the same old douchebag that you were. I'm such an _idiot!_ I cannot believe that I actually thought I l—' her voice broke and she stamped her foot instead.

'I will _never_ go out with you, James. You're an arrogant, insensitive _jerk_. Don't talk to me again.'

She furiously stomped out of the bleachers and towards the castle. He watched her go all the way with a bitter taste in his mouth as he realized that he had just ruined whatever good had happened between them.

He loved her and now she wouldn't speak to him.

What rotten luck he had. What absolute, horrible, rotten, godforsaken luck.


End file.
